"I'll Tell You Later"

by Dierdre Fitzsimons, age 14, from the US

When I say the word love, what comes to mind? Well, what comes to my mind is not a picture, or an object, or feeling, but a name, Troy. Troy and I were best friends. We met in kindergarten, we bumped into each other in the lunch line, and ever since then we have been best friends. We even continued being best friends when we entered the big world of middle school. In eighth grade something I did not expect happened, Troy asked me out. Even though Troy was very sweet, funny, nice, and certainly cute, I said no. I didn't want to ruin a seven-year friendship. Troy did not except that though, he continued to ask me out all through eighth grade. We kept our friendship strong through this though.

During the summer Troy promised me something, he promised that he would never even look at another girl until he got to go out with me. I tried to argue with him, but Troy was not about to budge. Troy kept that promise all through high school. Troy and I became even better friends. We went to the movies, went to the deli, and Troy was over my house so much my dad, to this day, will swear that Troy was his son.

In tenth grade I met a boy named Creg. Creg and I talked and in a couple of weeks were announced a couple. Troy knew Creg, and of course did not like him. When Creg and I would go out, I would constantly feel bad, because here I was out enjoying myself, when my best friend was at home sitting by himself because I would not go out with him. Troy and I continued to hang out all the time, and I didn't know why but for some reason I never enjoyed myself as much, as when I was with him. One night, we sat in his room for hours talking about everything-kindergarten all the way up to high school. We spent hours just yakking, till his Mom came home.

The next day I had a date with Creg, but I just wasn't as excited as I was all the other times. The next night as I sat with Creg I got a weird feeling. All of a sudden I started talking about Troy and I when we were little, all the way up to today. Then it hit me. I was in love with Troy!!! All these years I had loved someone who loved me just as much as I loved him. All those times we were sitting at McDonalds laughing or going to the skating rink falling together, it wasn't just friendship, it was love, and I was so blind as to see that. I decided I had to let him know. I had to let him know that I felt the same way he did, and that I just wanted to kiss him, and hug him, and be with him forever. It was already ten o'clock and I thought it was too late, but I decided this couldn't wait till tomorrow at school, I wanted this to happen now. I got up and left my date and drove home as fast as possible. When I got home I rushed to the phone, as I picked up the receiver I could feel my heart beating like 400 times a second. I dialed his number, and as it started to ring, my stomach went upside down, and I swore his phone rang at least 100 times. Then I heard the phone get picked up.

"Hello" it was his Mom. I asked if Troy was there, and his Mom said no. So I decided that I would have to tell him tomorrow at school.

When I got to class, Troy was not there. I was so mad. I didn't have any classes with him for the rest of the day, so I would not be able to see him if he came in late. After school when I started walking toward my car, I saw Troy standing on the ramp. This was perfect, obviously he did not have a ride, and I could offer to take him home and on the ride I could tell him how I felt. I ran over to him and said hi. He told me that his car was in the shop, and he was waiting for a ride. I jumped at the offer. I told him that I had something really important to talk to him about. Just then his Mom pulled up and honked the horn. He turned to me and said, "sorry" ,and started walking toward the car. Right before he got in the car, he turned around and said, "Oh what did you want to talk about?"

I didn't want to say anything in front of his Mom, so I said I would stop by his house later and talk to him. When I was on my way home I just kept thinking of how I was going to tell him, I didn't want to say it like I was doing him a favor, but I wanted him to know that I meant it. I went home and changed out of my school clothes. I put on a pair of jeans and a cute top, and did my self all beautiful so that my appearance would be to his liking. I got in my car and drove to his house. When I pulled into his neighborhood I saw a lot of red and blue lights and heard sirens. My heart sank. I drove up to his house and there was a cop car out side of Troy's house. I didn't see Troy or Troy's mom's car around. I thought maybe there was a robbery in the neighborhood, or something, and they were just questioning Troy's dad.

I pulled up into the driveway and walked up to the porch. As I got closer, I saw tears in Troy's dad's eyes. I walked faster and as I walked up to the stairs, the cop looked at me and then looked back at his dad and said to him that he was sorry. I panicked. Troy's dad looked at me, and I asked if Troy was here. His eyes filled with tears. The cop looked at me and slowly put his head down. Troy's dad looked at me and told me the thing in this world I feared most. He said that Troy and his Mom were driving home from the school when a drunken trucker hit them.

I blacked out, everything around me stopped. Suddenly nothing else mattered, and I felt alone and dead. He started explaining everything else but I couldn't hear him. I could just hear his words, I couldn't hear anything. And then I realized that Troy had died without me ever being able to tell him how I felt about him. Troy had died without ever having a first kiss. And then I started to think about what if, what if I had told him, would it have taken an extra five minutes and he and his Mom would have missed the truck. And if they had still gotten hit, at least he could go down with a smile on his face.