"Work like you don't need the money
Dance like no one is watching
Love like you've never been hurt. "

Crossing the Line

by Justin Bueno, age 19, from Canada

What do you do when you cross the line between friendship and the
scary side of relationships? When the feelings of wanting more than
just being 'chums' cross your mind every minute? When out of the
blue, you realize that what you once thought would never ever happen
to you, suddenly drops on your lap like a ton of bricks. You've
fallen in love with your best friend and you don't know what to do,
or say or even act around her fearing that she would discover your
secret.

The smell of freshly made popcorn filled the air of the new Movie
Theater that had just opened. It was my first day and I was really
excited about meeting new people and the new changes in my life.
That's where I met Tara. She was in my training group and we hit it
off. Suddenly there was an instant connection with us and I thought
that she was completely amazing to hang out with and talk about the
most stupid things. We got to know each other better and soon after
endless conversations on the phone and numerous outings to the
movies, we became the best of friends. We would laugh and talk for
hours. I would give her advice about her boyfriends and she would
listen to my relationship problems, but I really didn't want to hear
'Dave did the sweetest thing to me today?' or 'did I tell you what
John gave me?' I didn't want to hear about all her boyfriends and
what he did or what he should've done.

I wanted to be the one she talked about to all her friends. I wanted
to be the one in her heart and suddenly I stopped and realized that
whenever Tara would talk about Dave, or John or Amir, I would
suddenly feel this surge of unconditional jealously in my body. I
was in love with her. I was too blind to see it and even more stubborn to even admit it. Then I found that her eyes where set on a new guy who worked with us. That when I decided to tell her, To risk everything and just grab the courage that was sitting deep within me and just tell her.

Valentine's day came around and the smell of fresh popcorn at the
movie theater was drowned out by the smell of roses and boxed
chocolates. I was the first one there in the morning and I had snuck
into the woman's empty change room. Taped a single red rose to her
locker, a card with an amazing poem and inside I left her, something
different from the usual box of chocolates, and since it was morning
I figured I would give her a Valentine's day breakfast. I laid a box
of Strawberry Frosted pop tarts and closed the door. I went to work
and waited for her to come soon after I had started. She was very
flattered and gave me the biggest hug. I held her in my arms for a
few brief moments but it was completely worth it. This was the
moment I had been waiting for. I was going to ask her out, before
the other guy had the chance. Like the game of poker I laid
everything on the table with my heart. And waited for the dealer to
show me her hand. I simply asked her if she wanted to go out to
dinner tonight? She smiled and looked at me with those amazing brown
eyes.

Then a moment of silence fell upon the theater. Like everything
stopped and Tara was the only thing that mattered. I was too late.
The other guy asked her out before I did. They had plans to watch a
movie after work. As crushed as I was, I had to accept her answer
and both of us went to do our jobs. What she didn't know that I had
made reservations at a very nice restaurant a week in advanced
fantasizing that I would actually take her there just for that night.
After I called to cancel them, my day turned even worse. My job was
to rip tickets and rushes of couples would pass by me. I had the
best view of the both of them flirting and laughing with each other.
After work I walked in on them kissing. I stood there motionless
wishing that it could've been me. I was on the verge of breaking
down and just cry, but I had to be strong. She was my best friend
and as much as it hurts I stood by her.

Well after that night, Tara's relationship with 'him' grew stronger and our friendship was on the verge of deterioration. I was forced to listen to her adventures with him and the silent cries of the inner corners of my heart. She was in love with him and I saw it in her eyes. That spark of passion that finally made her happy. Spring came around and my birthday had come. This was the final chance I would have to win her heart. My plan was to take her to a romantic theatrical musical, dinner and just spend some quality time. That morning I went to buy her a bracelet and had it engraved. I bought her a card and a new shirt for tonight.

That night couldn't have been any more perfect. The perfect weather,
the perfect dress that she wore and the perfect time to win her
heart. We went out to dinner and held her hand through the whole
thing. My heart was melting, just feeling her hand in mine brought
the biggest smile to my face. I gave her the bracelet at dinner and
she smiled and gave me the biggest hug. I bought her a rose from a
peddler on the street and pretended in my head that all of this was
the perfect date that I dreamed of for so long. I held her hand
through the entire show, trying to calm my heart from racing so
rapidly. I would glance over and just stare at her, as she was so
into the play, the way her lips would rest against each other and the
way her hair fell in front of her face.

"Can I have a piece of gum, Justin?" She whispered in my ear
"What do I get for it?" I playfully asked.

"A kiss" She replied as a joke.

I looked in her eyes and she looked very serious. Now I've kissed her before but only on the cheek and that's what I knew she was implying. But I wanted to kiss her lips so badly that I thought I had nothing to lose. My heart had been smashed from valentine's day, what else could be destroyed from one kiss. I inched over and felt her breath against my face. I held her cheek in my hand and closed my eyes. This was it. This was the day that I've been waiting for, the moment of truth. And for that brief moment I kissed her. She pushed away and realized that it was wrong. I had crossed the line between friendship and relationships
and there was no turning back. My mission to win her heart had
failed.

She went to the other guy and all I was left with was a memory of a night and a kiss I would never forget.

But I don't regret any of it, because Tara had taught me to take risks, to do what's in your heart and deal with whatever the consequences were. At least I could say that I've tried. And even though I still am madly in love with her, secretly hiding it away from her, still believing that I am over her but deep within me, I'm not. But at least I have no regrets of my feelings for her and our relationship that I'll treasure forever. I took the chance, I held on to the moment and as painful as it is, I finally know my answer. If I didn't take the chance, the moment would've passed me by without even knowing the answer. And I love her for opening my heart to that.