A Death Song for Lando

by Amanda Hall, 15, USA

It was a particularly slow afternoon for the Mos Calamari Cantina. Not that afternoons at the cantina were particularly busy, just that this particular afternoon was particularly slow. And Jaina, the 22-year-old barkeeper was particularly down. There wasn't a particular reason for her to be down, but she was.

Jaina took the juice from one of the bottles of Ol'Janxin Spirit and poured it into one measure of seawater from Santragin VI. Then she dropped three iced cubes of Arctura Mega-gin into the mixture, allowing them to melt. Next she put a measure of Squalactin Hypermind extract in the drink. She then sprinkled Zamphorourius spices over it, and, satisfied, added an olive.

Just as she was finished with this long, grueling process, she looked up and saw Dan and his friend Lando walk in.

"On, hi Dan!" she called.

From the doorway, Dan looked at the blueish-purple drink in her hand and said, "What in the world is that?"

"Pans Galactic Gargoyle Blaster," she replied, "most potent drink in the galaxy, they say. The Encyclopedia of Alcohol says that the effect of drinking one 'is like having your head smashed in by a slice of orange wrapped around a large brick.' I'm gonna try it. Want one?"

"You're not going to drink that, Jainer. I won't let you," he said as he started walking toward the bar. He'd seen her drunk before and he didn't want to see it again.

"Oh yeah?" she snapped. Before he could get to the bar, Jaina took a big gulp of the Pans Galactic Gargoyle Blaster.

She passed out.

"Oh, fudge!" Dan exclaimed when he saw her head hit the table and heard the loud "THUNK." Then he shrugged and walked behind the bar. He mixed a vodka martini and shook it. Then e walked back to the front of the bar and sat across from Jaina's unconscious form, hoping the orange tied to the brick wouldn't give her permanent brain damage.

Lando, behind Dan, looked at Jaina's half-empty glass and shrugged. He grabbed the Pans Glasctic Gargoyle Blaster and took a sip.

He passed out.

Dan turned around when he heard the now-familiar "THUNK" sound of a head hitting the bar. Then he saw that it was just Lando and turned back to Jaina.

"Poor kid," he said. "I should probably stay here for awhile."

Ten minutes later, Dan started to get concerned about the time. He glanced at his wrist chronometer. "We have to go now if we wanna make it to the concert at Jobba's place." He looked back down at Jaina, who was still out cold. 'We can't just leave her here! We should probably lock up the place for her and take her with us."

Lando, who was now fully conscious with a pounding headache, gave Dan a shocked expression.

"Take her with us?!? Are you out of your mind?!? This was supposed to be just you and me! Just leave her here. She'll recover... eventually."

Annoyed, Dan pulled his gun and shot Lando in the stomach. "Ohmigosh!!! I killed Lando!!!! I'm such a moron!!!!" he said smacking himself.

Then he picked up Jaina and headed out the door to his ship. As he approached his ship, a green alien skipped over to him.

The creature pointed at Jaina and said, "Cheechi osle ianti? Ndsi tsdo fintdsa." Which is alien speech for 'What happened to her? She looks like she had her head smashed in by a slice of orange tied to a large brick.'

Dan kicked the alien.