White Walls

Janie Davidson, 16, Canada

Sad, sad, sad. Not sad, not sad, not sad! Couldn't decide which one it would be! Gone yes, but not entirely! Still in the room up stairs, still walking in the hallway! Oh, the ancient hallway, which she, on restless nights, wished would be silent, silent, dead silent! That was the way it was now! She wanted the creaks, creeps, and hard footsteps! I long, she thought, for the noise! It's quiet, too quiet!

"You're not alone," a voice echoed in the white room, " I am here, and I am as good as she was!

You can use me, I will be loud!" Flora turned her head to find the owner of the voice. Not a single soul in sight. White was all that was seen. A white bed, a white desk, a white chair! The sun could scarcely be seen between the white drapes that were drawn over the tiny one-inch window!

The drapes were always drawn! They were too much of a reminder of the noise that she wanted. Flora looked around the clean, white, fresh smelling room for a brief moment, waiting for a head to pop out from behind the dresser or desk, or bed.

"I will play with you, I will replace her. Promise not to hurt me." Flora looked over the dresser and waited again for a frizzy head to pop out! The voice spoke again; "You can't find me I bet!" It was a child's voice, a weak child, all the better. The voice was young, maybe six or seven! The voice was playing hide and go seek. She peered around the room once again. Flora still couldn't locate the owner of the voice.

"Come out now, I'll play. Is that you Amelia? Have you come back? I will play, I will play nicely! Please come out!" Flora awaited an answer while twisting her head about looking for a suspect. "Please make some noise, I miss noise, I dread silence." Where did you go, she wondered, why won't you come back?

"I am still here, I will play when they go away." Who, thought Flora, who is here, and who are "they"? " Can't you hear them?" the voice sounded again, "I can, their feet are going thump, thump, thump against the ancient hallway, thump, thump, thump! Listen carefully, you will hear!"

She sat perfectly still for a moment and listened with no mistakes. Thump, thump, thump, she heard them; they were coming! Flora looked at the clock that was sitting still on the white wall. It read 12:32. They were here on time, just as they always where.

"Hush now, they will be gone soon, you can come out then, just as she did, just as she used to. Don't make a peep, you'll be okay by yourself for a half-hour, I guarantee it." Flora looked around one more time to confirm the emptiness, the sullen silence, the white walls! Everything was perfect! Everything was silent, except for the heavy thumps still coming down the ancient hall. White, clean, she said to her self, everything is fine!

The handle on the unlocked white door turned slowly and steadily. She clenched her teeth and she shut her eyes. They stepped in, two at a time, until all eight were in the full light of the room, casting shadows across the white tiled floor. The floor, it seemed, was always cold. They pulled up four chairs, and the others sat on the cold floor. They stared at her; they penetrated her with their glassy eyes. She winced and looked away.

"Well, you can begin any time Flora, or you can wait for awhile and start later, whatever you please." They looked at her harder yet with their eyes and watched her quivering lips. She wasn't afraid of them, but of what they did. They watched her until she told them what she wanted.

"Today, I will wait!" She didn't hunger for anything at the moment. Except to lie down on the bed and sleep. They made her eat, to regain her strength and color. Only one out of the eight really needed to be in her presence, the rest where just for back up, in case she flipped out, in case she flew herself at them. Today, today she was too tired to care. Yesterday, yesterday she would have flung herself at them, ranting and raving about how she didn't want her strengths, how she only wanted Amelia. She waited for a noise.

"Have a big meal, I am hungry," whispered the voice. She thought that she had told the voice to be quiet, apparently she hadn't. She looked at them; they didn't seem to notice the voice.

"I'd like, today, and today only, a big meal, a really big meal, big enough for five people to be filled to the brim! I want it to be warm enough to eat, and not too hot! I want three glasses of water, and one glass of wine." They eyed her awkwardly and wrote down her orders.

"I see," said the one in a blue dress with yellow daisies embroidered across the sleeves and collar, "Is that all?" The blue dress one stared at her with eyes warmer than flames. Chills ran up her back. She nodded.

All eight of them stood up and proceeded to the white door. Carefully and steadily, they turned the handle and opened up the door with grace. Two by two, they exited the white walled room until all eight where behind the now closed door. They re-thumped back down the ancient hall with her order.

"Talk not I said, and I made clear. I want you to come out; I want to see you! Do you think that you could do that for me? You are young, so am I, we will play together for a half-hour, then I will sleep, you can sleep too!" She stood up and circled the white room looking behind every hiding place that she herself, had hidden in before. She found no one, only a pair of shoes carelessly thrown behind the dresser. " Please come out!" She heard a sound and took another step closer to the closet that she was near. "Oh, there you are, you look quite similar to me. We are the same age. Funny isn't it? Amelia was the same age as me, until she left. Amelia looked like us too, except younger!"

She studied the figure of the other person. She scratched her eye; the other girl scratched her eye. She touched her knee; the other girl touched her knee. How interesting, Flora thought, she does what I do, just like Amelia. "I am going to sit on the white cold floor," she announced to the other person,"would you like to come with me?"

"No," the girl responded, "I'd like to stay here, I am fine!" You can still be my friend though! My name is Donna; I am seven years old! What is your name, how old are you?" Donna studied Flora just as Flora studied Donna.

"I am the same age. How strange, Amelia was the same age as me when I met her! My name is Flora!" She left her spot by the closet and plopped down on the hard cold floor! She ran her fingers against the tiles and in the grooves. "What a nice name. Donna, Donna, Donna," she said more to herself than to Donna. "I like it. I liked Amelia's name to. Amelia," she said, extending the 'a' to drag the name out of her thoughts, "Ameliaaaaaa!"

"Why do you sit on the hard cold floor instead of on the soft bed? I could see you better if you were on the bed, I'll even sit with you." The voice was desperate to take another look at Flora.

"Well, maybe I will later, but not right now. Right now I am going to think; I am going to think about stuff, yes, that's it, stuff, so please go away for awhile. I don't like to be watched when I think, it distracts me. Please go away, go away now."

"Bye then, I'll be back later, you can be sure of that." She heard a pitter patter in her mind. Donna was walking away.

She used to tell Amelia to leave the white room, she used to tell her that she needed to sleep, but she never really did sleep. She usually sat on the floor, just as she was doing now, and thought. Of course Amelia knew that she was not sleeping, but she'd leave anyway. I wouldn't have sent her away if I'd known she wouldn't come back, thought Flora, I would have let her watch me think. She could have thought with me.